So Ceci and the children and I live in a community house that is actually on a community property. All told we have about 11 people living in our house, but about 28 living on the property sharing the one kitchen that happens to be in our house. Last night, I went downstairs to close up the many open doors and turn off the many still on lights…..but now I should back up a bit. We live about 1 kilometer from this sign that I have driven by, walked by, and run by a few dozen times since we moved here 8 weeks ago:

This sign is a bit ambiguous to me.  Am I supposed to use caution because I don’t want to hurt the toads or because I don’t want them to hurt me???  I also wonder if the picture of the toad (about 15 inches across if I had to estimate) is “life-sized” or is it a larger image than the average Western Leopard Toad?  So you can see how subconsciously I have had a growing discomfort with the mysterious Western Leopard Toad. I have wondered what, if anything, makes it so worthy of my attention.

So back to my story….last night I sneaked (yes, that is the correct word) downstairs wearing nothing but my boxers (hey, it was late and no one was in the house aside from the 6 other non-Proegers living in our house!) which nonetheless only added to the feeling of vulnerability I was experiencing.  As I reached the door, I noticed something behind me moving and assumed I had kicked one of the kids’ shoes.  That theory was quickly put to rest as I noticed the imagined “shoe” continue to move longer than standard properties of physics allow.  That’s when I saw this!!!! (Warning: sensitive readers with sensitive eyes should avert those same eyes for the next 5 inches or so!):

The Toad Attacks!!!

At this point I let out a small but involuntary yelp.  Yes, it was a bit high pitched but it was small I assure you!  Nevertheless, it must have been loud enough for Ceci to hear because I immediately heard her begin to laugh upstairs.  Well, my incredibly masculine self decided to pick up the toad to carry it upstairs. “We will see who laughs last!” I thought to myself quite amused. At this point, I had not yet considered that this might be the dreaded Western Leopard Toad!  So now that I had already picked it up I begin to notice a slime factor that felt much higher than any toad I have ever felt before….and I assure you I have felt quite a few!

It was at this point that my mind quickly recalled the sign I have posted above and I realized I had never gotten clarity on what the, evidently, intense need for “Caution” was about.  My mind was suddenly racing through possibilities of poisons, toxins or any number of a myriad of insidious ways in which this toad was no doubt attempting to kill me as I held it!  It was at that point that I let out quite a large and full-voiced scream…..it was most assuredly the scream of a man…..but it belonged to a man who happens to scream like a 6th grade girl.  I immediately dropped the poor toad and heard Ceci laughing somewhat hysterically from upstairs, having no idea that her husband of 9 years and father of her 3 children had just narrowly escaped certain death.   Well, as it turns out, Western Leopard Toads are not even remotely dangerous to humans and my response was entirely unmerited.  I am planning to do some extra pushups today.